don’t need the attention.
i have enough.
but photographs—
they have a place.

so i took one of the half moon tonight—
like yours—
for no one.

stars and light whispered through the trees.
books from the past.
but it’s only the present here.

i fumbled this.

our youthful lights
were always going to fade.
we’d grow old.

but i’ll never meet someone again
who felt so deeply
like you.

i was in awe of you.
i fumbled this.

the lyrics you shared were dense.
it took me losing everything to know—
you feel deeply too.
you just don’t wear it
on your face
all the time.

too late when I realize,
we both felt it all.
i fumbled this.

these stars,
through these trees.
all the unreciprocated goodnights,
shouting, hellish doubts.

when i said, love isn’t enough—
and when you came to understand the same,
while i came to forget
everything i once knew.

either way,
the trees don’t seem concerned now, babe.

i fumbled this.

it’s cold.
i’ll go inside now.
still human,
for now.

but not connected to this world anymore.
goodnight, half-moon.

don’t stay too late at the bar tonight,
despite the comfort
of plain conversations.

“i was so lonely before i met you.”

i thought about letting you find me.
not stalking.
just ending up
a barstool away.

but i hated the drunk on you—
so deeply
by the end.
because it was my own, my love.

so i walked the bridge instead.
the long way.
then i drove.

now i’m here—
under the stars—
and all of it feels hopeless.

for i’m more tired than ever before.
i prayed maybe
you were tired like me.

so much so,
you’d fall back
into my arms.

but you’re young.
and taking photographs.
still needing
the shadows they cast.

so i’ll look up in the backyard,
cursing all i see—

stars.
trees.
the past.
the present.

the depth
of the future
erased.

i fumbled this.

it was you.
the only one—
who felt so deeply,
just like me.

it was only you
who knew the soul of me—
past the faces we wear
and the photographs we take.

and now
i can’t tell you about my day.
or ever know of yours.

i fumbled this.

—

(when you read the poem)

a slow aching haunt—

i was totally in awe of you that night.
i was totally in awe of you that night.
i was totally in awe of you that night.

jealous would be cruel.
i was more your biggest fan.

proud
to know you
nakedly.

to really know
someone who could write like that...
wow.

the shadow girl inside,
”dancing with faceless men,
knowing only
the weight of them”.

but i wasn’t faceless
when i learned
the weight of you, darling.

i wasn’t cannon fodder
in some loveless waltz.

i held you
so fucking close to my bones
i disappeared
altogether.

like these stars,
long gone.
and now this photograph.

-

while i fade away,
please keep your promise
to always stay safe.

my one great love,
i’m so sorry
you had to feel it all.

“this is the hardest thing I ever done”
”i fell in love with a married man”
”i was so lonely before i met you”
”this is the hardest thing”

-

i fumbled this.

S: Bon Iver - 715 - CR∑∑KS