what the actual fuck
is happening
are we losing it
somehow
simultaneously
wave goodbye to the mind we knew
who managed to live past twenty-five
somehow
the one who loved you wore scrubs
witnessed firsthand the patterns in the weaves—
don't worry, son
you made it this far, you're home safe
just find a home, safe, okay?
well, then why does it never end?
why does everyone i know
collapse so effortlessly
into infinity
into immortality
not a generous kind, a cruel one.
the kind bestowed on kings in stories
where the king begs to die
because the days go on endlessly
i don't remember always crying
i remember laughing
i remember
laughing—
but the faces we wear weather
whether or not we see
the moment it finally happens
when we scream at the world
not the way we were taught
that gave value to dumb pride
but in a way you know for certain—
you're going to die that day.
your back's to the wall
realizing it all
we weren't the wolves
just a couple of sly dogs
on borrowed time.

-

now, now.
you know we never had control
just right place, right time
ok birth, ok rhyme
solid rhythm, to ride the waves.
never they came because we beckoned,
but it was still so much fun,
shouting at the horizon—
believing an ocean would move
at the whim of youthful love—

and that hopeful power
was magnificent.