its not you
spam call
we just talked
and kissed
i don't expect you
and you don’t expect me.
careful dancers now
who won't step on each other's toes
or crush each other's throats,
slipping into the backseat of the car
on a dark road,
like the roads ahead, frightening and unknown—
so why, tonight, is this pale darkness
so comforting?
my heart is racing—
for kissing me like you did
as if to acknowledge something old
we bickered about
when we couldn’t keep it to three drinks.
i couldn't see your face at all
sad at first
i love your face
the history of the world that made it
perfect
yet so painful
moms and dads, you know—
it wasn't some god who made you
like you claimed of me,
you fell to earth by pure chance,
and that's why you’re special
because it could never be again,
your perfect beauty
the food that got me wasted,
still the most beautiful shape I’ve ever known—
I couldn’t see you, babe, but it’s okay,
i could feel you,
more than ever before.
even let myself a little fun
the kind that haunts the tip of your chapstick
the next day—
i went home and washed off your perfume
never as easy to wash you away.

-

lying through my teeth—
biting my tongue
that punch was pain
and acceptance was consolation