I thought of everything—
booked within walking distance,
for I knew one night
winter would come,
walking the river
as the temperature drops
when turning the corner
the night turns hellish,
that burning cold
that cuts blue into your soul.

I think of falling down there,
onto the frigid ground
as if I had no home,
I want to curl up in a ball,
and cry out for you,
to reach for the heavens
but I just go to bed
the heat’s too high—
the meter’s run out
there’s no more moments left
I can’t breathe through my nose,
my right hand started hurting again.

there’s a conversation,
of closure,
waiting at the other end of the phone,
but I can’t face your words
I don’t want them
I hold close your memory instead
our last kiss,
your gentle love,
you filled with me.
and the spirit
of all god’s fallen
A N G E L S

who’d we want to bring
to this world?
screaming
in the most brutal way
folks make life:
two broken souls,
who’d lost hope
for the living,
finding each other
at the end of the tether.

so we dove into the river,
into the grey water.
that desperate cry—
like falling through the ice.
we breathed in
two lungs full of water
in a dream
were it all ended.

it was supposed to die,
but instead birthed
was the courage to say:

it was only you, sweetheart
but now you don’t answer the phone.

-

just make it through the winter with me